The Complete Woman

Do all women today perceive marriage as the last chapter of a Mills & Boons story? Is marriage still a destination for the modern Indian woman today? Marriage definitely is a necessity, but is it still the be-all and end-all for the new Millennium Indian woman.

Maybe. Or maybe not. We spoke to two successful women to ascertain their views…..

"Staying Single can be fun"
SHERNAAZ ENGINEER, a well known Bombay based columnist is a successful, single millennium woman with an open mind to marriage, provided it is meaningful and with a person who matters

• She views marriage very positively but is quick to add: "I chose to stay single because I don't believe marriage is an obligation that one must compulsorily comply with, irrespective of whether it makes one happy or not. It is very important to find the right person, and be in a frame of mind wherein one can give off one's best to the commitment. Just getting married because it's the done thing and then discovering that you wanted to do so much more with your life, which the parameters of a traditional marriage may not permit, is not my idea of fun".
  
  

• She also feels that it's perfectly okay if a woman remains unmarried all her life. "It is really a question of personal preference. As long as one is honest to oneself, it is fine if anybody chooses their own option including staying single. What is not okay is dishonesty in a marriage. Where two incompatible people pull along simply to save face and show society they are married, when in private they are going through hell and probably dragging their children through it as well."

• According to her, men often get intimidated marrying a successful woman. "They have their own pre-conceptions about single successful women that really may not be true, and this may hinder a perfectly wonderful relationship. Sometimes, successful women also do come across as a trifle aggressive, and this doesn't help either.

• "There is no such thing as the right age", she feels. "Each person has her own destiny and her own dreams and desires, and to put an age limit on them is silly. There is no foolproof prescription for life. You have to follow your heart. For someone, the right age maybe 19. Such a woman may not have any desire for pursuing a career. However, for someone like Madhuri Dixit the right age was 33, because she wanted to make something of her life before she settled down."

• "Does life change after marriage? Sure it does. Especially for women!"

• As far as career prospects are concerned, Shernaaz believes that "It really depends on her. Although that is also not always the case because her husband / his family may have their own notions about their 'bahu'. So she will have to negotiate her way carefully around this one.

• Generally it is seen that women put their careers on a lower priority after marriage, and if this is her own decision then fine. If she's pushed into it, then it's not surprising either!"

• "I don't believe in elaborate weddings", she says. "They are a waste of time, money, energy. The ceremony should be short, sweet, and simple, with just a few people who matter around. No big tamasha."

• An individual, who doesn't believe in the concept of a joint family, she feels "It is best for a newly married couple to have their own independence. Generally, having in-laws around is more a hindrance than a help. This is because lifestyles and habits of most people vary greatly, and both sides want their own will to prevail. This leads to too much friction. So staying separate is a better solution." · About motherhood, she says, "It's difficult to deny that people don't get married with the idea of procreating. That's one of the primary purposes of marriage, isn't it? But a good marriage should stand its own ground without having to use the cementing glue of children. A couple who are together only because of their children, and not because they have a fantastic relationship irrespective, are in the marriage for the wrong reason."

• "Marriage for me means complete and mutual understanding of each other. I think they are the two most important factors. My being a love marriage, I would say that even friendship must be a necessary element for a successful union"
  
  

• Shaina firmly believes that marriage is a must. "For completeness. At the cost of sounding old-fashioned, I'd say that marriage completes a woman"
  
  

• As far as men being intimidated by successful women is concerned, "I feel most Indian men do feel uncomfortable about the same. But again, even though I've married into a Marwari family, I've never faced such a situation. So I guess, the problem varies individually"
  
  

• For Shaina, the right age for marriage is "Sooner the better. Though some years back, working women married late, the trend nowadays is to get married early. I got married at the age of 23."
  
  

• "Life does change after marriage" she feels. "It's quite natural. However, if it's a love marriage, as in my case, the change does not affect you much because you are very well aware of what you are getting into."
  
  

• However, Shaina definitely feels that "Pursuing a career is very important, though it may not sound very practical in India. A career prevents stagnation and is very necessary for mental stimulation for a woman after marriage."
  
  

• And elaborate weddings? "Oh, I think it's a waste of money. But then if people didn't buy expensive bridal wear, I'd be out of job, isn't it?", she quips.
  
  

• A joint-family, according to her, is avoidable. "Though, if you get along well with your family, then there's no harm in going ahead with it."
  
  

• "Motherhood", believes Shaina, "is absolutely necessary. It completes a woman. What is a woman without children!"