Bedroom buzz

10 things women must know before they make love for the first time .


1. Attitude is bedable, not the body: External beauty, of course, flips most men's sexual switches, but chemistry in the bed has less to do with looks. It is attitude. It is tough to articulate what this "doable, bedable" quality is but it could be something like this…A confident mindset which springs from the fact that you're desirable; a curious mix of vulnerability and security; an inviting aura that is sensual. Open-mindedness and trust is bedable, cold exterior beauty with the best of cosmetics and clothes thrown in, is not.

2. Love at first sniff: Whether you smell of fresh flowers or of lime and musk, may not exactly determine the quality of sex, but smelling good definitely is a force to reckon with in bed. Most women say that they can't let go of their inhibitions because they're conscious of the way they smell. Never underestimate the power of perfume (use one, which makes you, feel sensual) but don't forget that your natural body odour by itself is good enough to make a man go crazy.

3. Foreword to foreplay: Talk, talk, talk. Even as lingerie, blue candles or the music help you relax, there is nothing as stimulating as talking mush. Even kissing comes next to talking it out, especially for new couples. People who straight get into bed, responding to the heat of the moment can seldom strike the intimacy that emerges after you've spoken and confided into each other about your desires.

4. What if you have your period?: It is a myth that it is harmful to have sex during periods. It is the mindsets that are different, that's all. While most men say they don't mind in the least having sex with a woman during her period, women do report some degree of embarrassment. For the first time, yeah, sure, even your man might not find it too comfortable a situation. It entirely depends on discussing it with him. And doing what you both are okay with.

5. Judge him not: Women are brought up believing that a man has a never-satiated appetite for sex, that he has to be macho, comfortable, that he loves every moment of sexual intercourse. True, but only partly. Men too can have waning desires. On the first night especially, a man may not be able to perform in the macho way you've dreamt him to. He is as full of anxieties as you are. Give him time, if he is not the overwhelming, hot lover who stalks your sexual fantasies. It will happen, with time.

6. Should you ask? Yes. If you want a man to do something, or to stop, tell him. Don't think that the expression on your face is going to do the talking for you. If you don't learn to speak for yourself in bed, your guy will think all is fine. It may not be. Educate him without hurting his ego.

7. Sex is good for the mind and body: Sex is the cure, say some researchers for everything from heartburn to hypochondria. Well, to some extent it is very true. Regular and satisfying sexual activity can improve circulation, block pain, and maybe boost immunity. The emotional benefits are equally good. Women who love sex and pursue physical pleasures suffer less stress and have greater self-esteem than those whose erotic life is boring.

8. The Big O: So will you climax or not? Bigger question than the most earth-shattering orgasms, books speak of. Well, some women are easily orgasmic, others take years to orgasm during sexual intercourse. Since the female orgasm isn't directly linked to ejaculation, there are many theories that have complicated it. It is true that even after being sexually active, some women ask: what is an orgasm? As long you do not buy the sold myth that the earth stops rotating and time stands still, you should be assured that you if you are comfortable with sex and love it, you will soon know what an orgasm is.

9. How much is too much? Another of those ifs and buts that surround the bedroom. The frequency of sex depends on you and your partner. There are no rules that make it "too much" or "too little. Four times a day is less for some couples, whereas four times a month is fine by others. It is very subjective. But please, don't feel that you must have sex on special days on the calendar, on birthdays, anniversaries etc. Or that you must "at least do it" once a week.

10. Look into his eyes and say "I love you": The best time to confess about your love to your partner is during sex. If you can talk during sex, you can talk anytime. Eye contact intensifies intimacy as does telling him that you care for him. It will make sex better, more fulfilling.