A very beautiful or handsome person can have confidence issues too. And I have always been intrigued by the “Why is it so factor”. A few months ago a good friend informed me that her parents were in search of a suitable boy; around the same time she started dating a foreigner to ‘pass time’ and soon, she liked him, and perhaps, loved him too. Her parents finally found a suitable boy, and she married the man, her parents deemed fit. When I scratched the surface as to why she wouldn’t follow her heart and take a risk it made me think more and more.
To start with I must say, I felt sad after thinking about all this. Why did she do this? Did she risk outcast from the people who brought her into this world? Or was she scared that she would be blamed if the relationship didn’t work out? Or is it that she is so low in self-esteem that she cannot confront her parents and tell them “Mum/ Dad, I’m an adult and I know what I want for the rest of my life—and I’ve made up my mind—I want to marry Mr X”.
The story is sad not because he is left without a real justification or reason why they are not together but because she is now living a life her family wants rather than what she wants. Will she be happy now? Perhaps! After all, it would be foolish to judge the consequences of her decision, or forecast the future of her marriage. Life can be a bowl of ice-cream with chocolate sprinkles but nothing in this world is absolute or certain except birth and death. To be truly happy we must be content in our own skin, with our own decisions. Living a life of conformity is not a life of true happiness, people who think that to follow others is happiness are delusional; don’t get me wrong I am neither pro or against any custom or religion. I am pro-choice, I believe everyone has the right to choose freely on what they want “their” life to look like and the people around you ESPECIALLY your family and friends have to respect that and believe that as a human you can live and love how you choose. Having choice is great, and if you choose to conform its fine! As long as it is your choice and you have the experience and mindset to make that decision.
We can all make a change and all of us can embrace this. All of you know someone who is in a situation like this, I know you do! Tell them it is ok, spend time with them as a couple, tell them you support them, if they decide whichever way, say you will always be there.
Rod Anker is the Creative Director of kimrobinson salon. He lives in Delhi.