Real People, Real Weddings

A quiet revolution is on in urban circles. Organising and planning for the wedding ceremony is no more the responsibility of the parents of the bride and groom alone. An increasing number of couples are themselves involved in participating in the planning process of the joyous occasion. Simultaneously, a greater propensity to spend and an interest in departing from the common norms has led to the rapid growth in services supporting the wedding. Event organizers, trousseau managers, beauticians and hairstylists. Today, brides and grooms can opt to obtain specialized services from a number of professionals and service providers. Modernization and the emergence of greater number of nuclear families has only strengthened urban Indians belief in traditional ceremonies. And a wedding remains the one occasion when families get a chance to reunite with their near and dear ones. Says Arvind Patil, a Computer engineer who married his classmate last year: "My parents were organising the function keeping in mind the expectations of all their relatives. On the other hand, I was looking forward to meeting and entertaining my friends at the wedding reception." Brigadier A. Dyal (Retired), who arranged his daughter's marriage a few months ago elucidates on the change in typical processes associated with an Indian Wedding: "Earlier the parents of the bride were mainly involved in organising a gala event. But today, they would ideally like to spend more time and greater resources on purchasing durable items such as furniture, linen, household appliances etc. Since most couples are setting up an independent accommodation, their parents also allocate a reasonable budget towards utilitarian items rather than spending the same on a very lavish wedding."

Brig Dyal's tips for parents of brides and grooms is as follows:

• Nowadays, most youngsters are choosing their lifemate on their own. Hence, due to their higher involvement in the 'match making' process it is but natural that they would like to dictate the future course of events.
  
  

• A continuous focus on 'pricing and costing' would go a long way in helping you plan a well-organised function. Wedding services are becoming increasingly expensive and at the same time the alternatives are many. Hence, it is very pertinent that you spend some time surveying the various alternatives.
  
  

• In case your son or daughter decides to marry someone from another community, it would be appropriate to organise ceremonies that represent the religious or traditional beliefs of both the communities. In that way, both the parties would be happy and a feeling of 'incompleteness' would not prevail in the hearts of either side.

While some brides and grooms let their parents take the major decisions related to their wedding, many others prefer to assert their individual identity. Says Sujata Gupta, an advertising executive who married her classmate last year: "All the decisions ranging from design of the printing cards to the choice of the venue were entirely mine. In fact, I had quite a few slanging matches with my parents regarding the selection of choices. But in the end, my decision prevailed." Rupa Agrawal, a former Marketing executive with BPL couldn't agree more with Sujata: "I have always been taking independent decisions and it was but natural that the same was the case during my wedding preparations too.

Sujata and Rupa represent the new breed of young ladies who like to take independent decisions and whose outlook represents a mix of the tradition and modern. Their advice for brides and grooms is straight and simple.

• Plan, plan and plan. Only then will you be able to effectively implement your ideas and purchase your requirements as per your budget.
  
  

• Remember, that on the Big Day everyone enjoys themselves except for the bride and groom who are far too exhausted. Be mentally prepared for an exhausting and tiring day. The only way you can have a relaxed and hassle-free wedding is by going in for a court marriage.
  
  

• Take active interest in your wedding celebrations. After all, it your's first and only wedding celebration .

It is not just the brides but even the grooms who are taking an active interest in wedding affairs. "While I was closely involved in the process, I let my parents have the final say in some matters simply because it was an occasion they were looking forward to since many years", says Mahesh Nair, 28. He adds: "But unlike in the case of my elder brother's wedding, I had regular interaction with my in-laws to ensure that the wedding was organized keeping in mind my needs and priorities.

Mr. S. Jambunathan, a retired I.A.S. officer has been closely observing the marriage scenario in India since decades. He states some of his observations on the trends and developments.

• Nowadays, urban Indians have a higher budget for the wedding of their wards but are unable to allocate adequate time for the same. In the earlier years, people had the time but were hindered by an inadequate budget. Also, unlike earlier relatives of the brides and grooms parents are unable to devote time to arrangements prior to the wedding. Hence, 'Turnkey contractors' are the solution to the needs of parents today.
  

• Today's brides and grooms are amenable to a traditional wedding ceremony. But more importantly, they would like to know the significance of the customs and rituals. Not informing them about the same would lessen their interest in the processes.
  

Says S. Pinto, Proprietor of Wedding Chimes, an agency which offers a range of wedding services: "The situation in India is quite unique since unlike in the West, people want to spend time on organising a complete wedding with different ceremonies." She adds: "Earlier the families used to usually approach us, but today it is the bride and groom who play a primary role in the process. The brides and grooms besides being more educated have a clearer perception on their needs."

An increasing number of inter caste weddings also necessitate greater responsibilities for the bride and groom. Kiran Manral, Features editor of Cosmopolitan married Kirit, a marketing professional who did not belong to her community. She quips: "We had to make all the arrangements ourselves simply because we had no other option. From searching for a hall or arranging the traditional ceremonies, the responsibility was entirely ours. We were in the early years of our career and hence did not have a huge budget. Yet, we wanted to organise a wedding where we could invite a large number of our friends. The result was a maddening affair where a number of faux pas were conducted simply because the arrangements were made by two inexperienced souls". Kiran's advice to brides and grooms is straight and simple.

"You may make a number of mistakes on the big day. But remember, that it will soon be forgotten and fade away. Angry relatives, unpleasant friends, expensive vendors.. you'll have to be mentally prepared to face them all. But don't lose your cool and as far as possible try to enjoy yourself on the big day."